During my conversations on “The Digitalization & Diversity Podcast”, I listened to personal stories of diverse people and the kind of biases and stereotypes they have had to face. Most of them shared that these came up in the form of microaggressions instead of explicit biases or acts of discrimination.
There is still a lack of deep understanding on the topic, and an underdeveloped vocabulary to explain it. What are microaggressions? What do they sound like? How do they feel like?
As part of the the.dd.podcast channel on IG, I started the #MicroaggressionExplainedbyDD series. This blog post expains the main concepts and is a summary of the microaggressions that most people of the DD community have resonated with.
❓WHAT IS A MICROAGGRESSION?
Microaggression is a form of verbal or non-verbal communication often delivered unconsciously that can potentially disciminate against a marginalized and minority group, including race, gender, ethinicity, age, social class, sexual orientation and religion.
They are very common in today’s society – majority of people reading this post have either committed a microaggression at some point, been at the receiving end or witnessed it happen.
❓WHAT DOES A MICROAGGRESSION LOOK LIKE?
SAYING things like –
- “Where do you REALLY come from?”
- “You are too old to be tech savvy”
- “You should smile more often”
…
Performing ACTIONS like –
- Touching someones hair without their permission
- Pushing someones wheelchair when not asked to
…
5 THINGS TO REMEMBER ABOUT MICROAGGRESSIONS
- The intention is often not bad, and the effect although substantial is unfortunately not so visible which makes it so difficult to change
- A microaggression is often disguised as a compliment but it could be sexist, racist, insensitive or just plain offensive even if people dont want to insult.
- The intentions are not important when talking about microaggressions, but rather focus on the impact.
- Some people deny it exists with the thought that people today have become too “soft” or too “sensitive” and in general need to “toughen” up. It is nobody’s responsibility to educate others especially those who do not want to understand.
- We are all human, and we dont need to police ourselves constantly. Rather we need to focus on being more conscious and be open to increasing awareness and learning.
NOBODY is a diversity expert. We are all learning and growing trying to make sense of the lived experiences and emotions of people.
So here are 25 common microaggressions faced by diverse people and what should be said instead.
#1
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Asking someone where they “really” or “actually” come from can be a trigger for some people especially if it is a counter response to someone who already shared some information on where they come from.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
It is a microaggression because it invalidates the information that a person is comfortable sharing, it displays a stereotype that a particular person only belongs to a certain place based on how they look, and it crosses a personal boundary about disclosing the details of their origin or ethinicty that many people have set for themselves.
🔺 What the person can SAY INSTEAD?
- Where are you from?
- Where do you come from?
- What is your background?
- Where have you lived most?
- Which country do you come from?
….
Followed by NOT a surprise reaction, and NOT using phrases like “Really?” or “Thats not what I expected!” .
Accept the response that the person provides, and if you want share your own background.
#2
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone they are too old to be tech savvy, tech friendly or digital and making an assumption of how good people are with technology depending on their age. Sometimes the microaggression is not so visible, for example, a person getting rejected for a job due to the perception that he or she cannot cope with the latest tech developments and digital working styles due to an older age compared to the current team composition.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
Technology adoption doesn’t have much to do with age but rather learning opportunities for different age groups. Tech companies need to make diverse products that are catered to the needs of diverse people and age groups in society today. However, that is not the case so much today but there are people of different generations who are more digitally mature than their younger generations. It is actually more a topic of interest and opportunity.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
.
.
.
NOTHING
Say nothing.
If the person shows an interest to understand a technology or digital solution, some appropriate responses could look like:
“Let me explain that to you.”
“Lets review this piece of technology together”
“Let me find someone who can help you”
#3
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone to smile more than they currently do, for example to appear more “friendly” or “approachable”.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
Even though smiling is a nice thing to do (including smiling to strangers), nobody owes a smile to anyone. Smiling is a nice gesture associated with happiness and joy, but people are usually not aware of the mental state of others and whats going on in their lives.
Making assumptions and offering advice to smile can hence serve as a trigger instead of being perceived as a compliment, and unfortunately women tend to receive this remark much more than men.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
Nothing!! If you receive a smile, smile back, else continue without saying anything.
#4
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone they are in the wrong room, wrong place or wrong queue without asking them first, e.g. telling a woman she is in the wrong meeting room or telling someone waiting in a queue at a counter to go another one without checking with them why they are there in the first place.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
Usually those who tell others they are in the wrong room/ place do so based on the perceived stereotype, whatever that may be. Sometimes people maybe actually in the wrong room, but assuming that a person is in a place where they are not supposed to be based on this perceived stereotype does not help anyone and can be a microaggression for the person.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
“Can I help you with something?”
“This is the room for XYZ. Are you participating?”
“This is the queue for XYZ. What can I do for you?”
#5
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone if they even know what the latest digital tool or platform is and questioning whether they are really upto date with the latest trend.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
Many people tend to overestimate how many people have access to technology or even basic internet. Many people also overestimate the number of people that own a smartphone because they dont need one or cant afford one. The comment can come from a stereotype based on age or someone from a different background. It can make someone feel really bad for not being upto date on the new trend out there.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
“There is this new app called XYZ. Do you know about it?”
“Have you heard about it?”
“Let me show you”
#6
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Asking someone if their hair is real, or touching it without permission.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
Hair styles, hair textures and hair colors have been a part of conventional long-term conditioning trigerred by unrealistic standards of the beauty and fashion industry , that has made many people overly conscious about their own hair.
Maybe someone lost their hair due to their health condition or prefers to wear a wig due to their choice. Maybe someone got a hair treatment because they think it suits them or maybe they just wanted to try a new color. Maybe they started greying early due to stress, trauma or hereditary factors.
Whatever be the reason, a comment on someones hair which is not a compliment and is unnecessary can be a microaggression for the person.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
Nothing
If you are curious about someone’s hair, and want to give a compliment then go ahead.
“Your hair looks nice”
“Thats a nice style. It looks good”
“Your hair cut looks good. Can you recommend me a salon?”
…
#7
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Asking someone why they wear something particular in a derogatory tone that is not evidently coming from a place of curiosity.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
For this microaggression, the tone used for the phrase is what can be trigerring. If not conveyed in a manner of genuine curiosity or empathy, then asking someone why they wear something, for example a hijab, an ornament, or gender-neutral clothing can be a microaggression for the person.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
If you are curious, research first on the different kinds of clothing related to religious and ethnic groups of people existing today. If you still feel curious, then approach the person in an empathetic manner, tell them you are curious to know, appreciate their uniqueness and then ask them to explain you their clothing/dress choice if they feel comfortable.
#8
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Asking someone if the community or group (ethnic or racial) someone comes from speaks English.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
Although there is no such thing as a universal language, English is one of the most popular languages despite other languages such as Mandarin Chinese and Spanish having more speakers in the world. English is an official language of more than 50 countries in the world, of which the majority are not caucasian. Hence, making an assumption for example that a person of color does not speak English could be triggering for the person in the form of microaggression.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
“Which language or languages do you speak”
“In which language do you speak with your family and friends”
“Which language did you learn growing up”
…
#9
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone that their name is very hard to pronounce without trying to make any effort to pronounce it, blaming a person for having a complicated name or saying things like “Do you have an easier name?”
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
The name of a person is core to the identity they have. It is one of the first things that is assigned to them at birth which they dont actively choose for themselves. There is research that shows that non-western sounding names can negatively impact people’s careers. Also hearing your name mispronounced and misspelt can be exhausting and can be triggering for the person at the receiving end. Learning how to pronounce someone’s name is common courtesy and conveys respect and inclusion.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
Ask the person:
“How do you pronounce your name?” and then listen carefully.
Thank the person and convey that you will try to pronounce it.
…
#10
🔺WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone they are smart or intelligent for XYZ, for example, smart for a woman, smart for a person of a certain age, smart for a person coming from a particular place, etc.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
Telling someone they are smart for a XYZ, is not a compliment but undermines their smartness. It basically shows that the person giving the compliment doesnt think that a certain group is smart or intelligent and wants to praise the recipient for being an exception in this group. This can be triggering as a microaggression because it associates the stereotype perceived for a particular group with the compliment quite explicitly.
🔺What the person can say INSTEAD?
“You are smart” (FULL STOP)
“You are intelligent” (FULL STOP)
…
#11
🔺WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone they are too young to be XYZ, too young to have X years of experience or too young to be in a particular position or role.
🔺WHY is it a microaggression?
Telling someone (the recipient of the microaggression) these things showcases the assumption that the person makes about the recipient’s age and their own perceived stereotype associated with that age.
Diversity of age means accepting all forms of age groups and being open to the idea that a place can normally be occupied by any qualifying person no matter their age. Making a statement associated with such a perception can hence be a trigger for the recipient.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
“You have progressed fast”
“Its great to see your accomplishments”
“You make a good XYZ”
#12
🔺WHAT is the microaggression?
Asking someone if they speak “Indian” without acknowledging where they are from and which languages they speak in general.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
First, “Indian” is not a language. India is a diverse country with more than 120 different languages of which more than 20 languages have official status. People speak different languages from different parts of the region, e.g. Hindi, Punjabi, Bengali, Tamil, Telugu, Kannada to name a few.
Second, the comment is usually directed towards someone with brown skin tones and South-asian looking features. All the people who fit this stereotype are not necessarily from India, but could be from other countries as well.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
“Which languages do you speak?”
“Do you speak any of the Indian languages?”
“In which language do you converse with your family and friends?”
…
#13
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone that they don’t sound like, look like or act like a particular race or nationality, for example, saying things like “You don’t sound black”, “You don’t act like a brown person”, “You don’t look Asian”…..
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
Different races and ethnicities do have common characteristics but it is nobody’s business to judge whether a particular person fits the stereotype associated with a race or ethnicity. Making an assumption and vocalizing it to someone as an unnecessary comment can be derogatory (even if intended as a compliment) and can be triggering as a microaggression for the recipient.
🔺What the person can say INSTEAD?
Nothing. If you are curious about a person’s race or ethnicity, DON’T ASSUME but ASK. Accept the response you get and refrain from commenting further, unless it is a genuine compliment.
#14
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone that people cannot say anything anymore these days as a defense to one’s own comment (which was probably another microaggression in the first place) or a comment made by someone else, because things are taken out of proportion or context or was “not meant” to create any negative impact.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
By saying a phrase like this, the person brushes off the reactions of a person or group of people, and undermines their experiences.
Yes, there is freedom of expression especially with the growing digital media BUT there is also the increasing need for using more INCLUSIVE LANGUAGE.
🔺What the person can do INSTEAD?
💡REFRAIN from an unnecessary comment that invalidates someone’s experiences or reactions
💡EDUCATE yourself on what is INCLUSIVE language and how to use it
💡Be MINDFUL of appropriate phrases and what might be considered “inappropriate” things to say
#15
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling a person that they look like someone in a particular profession, role, industry or sector, for example, someone working in IT or HR or admin, someone working in Sales, someone working in the Fashion industry, etc WITHOUT ASKING them first.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
The comment shows an assumption made on the basis of a perceived stereotype associated with how a person looks, talks, behaves or dresses. It can be a microaggression even if the assumption is correct, because there is no factual basis for such a comment. There are different stereotypes associated with different professions and this is a problem because to truly represent diversity, it is important to first break stereotypes in the professional environment.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
- What is your professional background?
- In which field or sector are you working in?
- What do you do for a living?
…
#16
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone that they are not like others that they know of from a particular race or ethnicity, that they stand out, that they are an exception to their group or community based on how they look/act/say.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
Usually this microaggression is disguised as a compliment, but the effect on the recipient is far from that of receiving a genuine compliment. It fails to acknowledge the extent of diversity that can exist even within a particular race or ethnicity. It reinforces perceived stereotypes associated with a particular race or ethnicity and can be triggering as a microaggression for the recipent.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
“I like your XYZ”
“That is cool you can do XYZ”
“I am impressed by your XYZ”
…
#17
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone they just need to work hard to succeed or defining what success means for a person.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
A statement like this tends to underestimate or overlook the privilege that one has in terms of opportunities that play in addition to working hard. The privilege can come in different forms – privilege on account of belonging to a particular race/ethnicity/nationality, privilege of being part of a social class that has access to more opportunities or even the basic privelege of being able to focus on working hard without undertaking additional responsibilities, e.g. family, sustenance, health, etc. Every person’s situation is different and “success” can mean differently for diverse people.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
“Hard work is important to achieve your goals”
“In order to succeed and accomplish the goals you have defined for yourself, persistency and drive is important”
…
#18
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone (usually a person with origins from South Asia) that they are not really Asians.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
A statement like this is fuelled by a very strong stereotype for someone who is Asian in terms of physical characeristics and behaviors. South Asia is not just a geography but defined by diverse ethnic and cultural factors. As of 2021, there are 8 countries that are part of South Asia – India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, Bhutan, Sri Lanka, Afghanistan and Maldives. Each of these countries is unique, hosts a diverse culture and the people belonging to these countries are very much Asian. The same holds true for people coming from Southeast Asian countries (Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, etc). They are all part of the wider Asian ethnic group and strong stereotypes towards them strongly impacts acculturation.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
Nothing
- Avoid labelling
- Avoid non-inclusive language
- Avoid unnecessary comments
#19
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone what they have shared is unheard of, showing amusement or surprise or reacting in a way to someone that enforces the stereotype of the community a person associates with.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
A statement like this brushes off the experiences or views of the recipient, potentially making them feel that their statement/ opinion/ view might not be correct because it does not conform to the perceived stereotype of the country/ race/ ethinicity. This can be triggering in the form of microaggression for the individual.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
- “That is an interesting point. How do others around you respond to it?”
- “I would like to more about it. What triggered your thoughts”
#20
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone not to take a comment, remark or behavior too seriously because it was meant as a joke.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
When it comes to microaggressions, the focus rarely is on its cause or intention but rather on the IMPACT. The reason behind the microaggression is not so important to be justified but understanding the impact it causes and not brushing off or undermining the experience of the recipient is crucial. Saying a statement likes this actually has its opposite effect.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
Nothing.
If you notice that you have said anything inappropriate/uncomfortable/non-inclusive, apologize. Thats it.
#21
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone that they are “articulate” based on their impression of the recipient’s English language skills depending on the context.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
This comment is triggering because it makes the recipient feel that their language skills are unusual for their race or minority group they identify with and they might be considered a foreigner/alien in their current environment.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
Depending on the context, a compliment on a person’s communication and interpersonal skills instead of articulation capabilities might fair better.
#22
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Hinting to someone that their physical features would be enhanced with a different, more lighter skintone.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
Unless the commentor is a makeup artist advising a client, such a comment is plain offensive to the recipient. Comments to someone’s skin tone, a physical characteristic that people are born with and cannot be changed (easily) can be triggering as a microaggression.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
Your facial features are nice.
Period.
#23
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Telling someone, usually a Person of Color that they look exotic.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
The term “exotic” is used to describe something that seems unusual, strange or unfamiliar. Its rarely seen as a compliment when this term is applied for a person because it reinforces the assumption that there is one normal or dominant way to look. The connotation is not usually taken positive and can be triggering as a microaggression.
🔺What the person can say INSTEAD?
Nothing. If you want to compliment someone’s beauty or charisma, there are many other positivity-boosting phrases and adjectives to use. “You have beautiful XYZ”, “I like your XYZ”, “You are inspiring/ compassionate/ smart/ brave/ genuine/ vibrant…..” and the list goes on!!
#24
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Asking a person usually someone either of Asian ethnicity or someone with Asian looking features what their American or English name is.
🔺WHY is it a microaggression?
There is diversity in all forms, and diversity of names in different languages needs to be accepted and made inclusive. It is nobody’s responsibility to make a name less difficult for others to pronounce, but it is everyone’s responsibility to be open to learn how to pronounce names in different languages. Not everyone has a second name or an “English” name, and such a comment can be triggering as a microaggression.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
“How do you pronouce your name?”
“Can you please help me pronounce your name”
“How do you spell your name. It would help me pronounce it better”
#25
🔺 WHAT is the microaggression?
Implying that ‘diversity’ is negatively correlated with ‘quality’, for example, in the case of set diversity targets in a company’s strategy.
🔺 WHY is it a microaggression?
Such a comment could be triggering for someone based on the underlying assumptions that question a person’ merit, qualitfications , expertise, experience or value that they can bring.
🔺 What the person can say INSTEAD?
“It is great that you are contributing to the diversity of this organization”/ “I appreciate you bring in a diverse perspective”
What other microaggressions have you faced? Let me know via Linkedin/ Instagram and follow the full guide on Instagram here.