Monica, an analyst at a Fortune 500 tech company, made an internal move to a new department a year ago. Now, she just found out that her boss is leaving for another opportunity outside the company.
“I joined the team only a year ago and had just gotten used to working with my boss. I invested in building that relationship, and now it feels like I must start from scratch,” she told me.
Monica had built a strong working dynamic with her boss. She worked part-time in a hybrid setup, meeting him in person twice a week. Now, she’s facing uncertainty. “I don’t know the person replacing my boss. He’s from a different department, and I’ve never worked with him before,” she said. “Some people on the team already have experience with him – I don’t have that advantage. I have no idea what his working style is like.”
Perhaps you’ve been in Monica’s shoes before. You could also find yourself on the other side of this situation. Maybe you decided to take on a new role, and this has triggered the situation that you have a new boss. In any fast-growing company, people changes are inevitable. Research indicates that the median tenure for wage and salary workers with their current employer is less than four years.
Changing jobs often means changing bosses (unless you have decided to follow your boss in his new job). Rarely do we have the privilege of choosing our manager for the long term. The saying “People leave managers, not companies” is widely recognized for a reason. In a SHRM survey, dissatisfaction with a manager ranked third among the top reasons employees choose to leave a job, following a negative work environment and poor company leadership.
Every professional connection matters, but few impact your career as much as your relationship with your manager. Their support can shape your growth, open doors, and accelerate your success. A great manager is more than just a supervisor – they are your advocate, mentor, coach, and sponsor. Actively building a strong relationship with them and adapting to their style is a key workplace skill today, perhaps even the most valuable one for your career.
There is an important caveat I want to be clear about: if your manager is toxic or unprofessional, you shouldn’t focus on adapting to their style. Instead, the right approach is to address the issue with HR, seek the necessary support or plan your exit.
Adapting to your manager doesn’t mean blindly saying yes to everything or conforming completely. It’s about understanding their expectations while staying true to your own values and boundaries. As workplace strategist Mita Mallick puts it, “Set your boundaries by knowing your limits and communicating them clearly”.
I once had a wonderful boss who, on my first day, said, “I will adjust to your working style.” That simple gesture made me take proactive steps towards him, and trust was built instantly. But often it takes a couple of months of trial-and-error adapting to the preferences and working style of your manager. When you have high expectations to deliver, and key projects running in parallel, you can’t afford to spend months figuring this out. Your manager also might not be able to share their working style with you upfront.
So, what can you do as an employee to adapt to a new manager fast?
As a starting point, reflect on some key questions:
- What are your manager’s top priorities?
- What might be their personal agenda?
- How can I support them?
- How do they prefer to communicate?
- Where do they want to be involved?
- Where do they give autonomy?
- What relationships do they value most in the organization?
Conduct an Expectations Talk
Have an Expectations Talk early to understand your manager’s goals, communication and working style. It’s beneficial not only when starting a role or getting a new manager but also when a change in responsibilities, teams, or personal circumstances require a re-expectation setting. If you work remotely, setting clear expectations becomes even more essential for effective collaboration.
The core responsibility of a manager role is to set clear expectations from team members. So, asking for a conversation to clarify expectations is part of the job.
You could approach your manager directly or send a note along the lines of:
“I’d like to align on expectations for my role, including priorities, communication preferences, and ways to work effectively together. When would be a good time to have this conversation?”
I suggest blocking at least 45-60 minutes for this. Once you have set a dedicated time to have an Expectations Talk, you want to get as specific as possible while keeping some room for open discussions with your manager.
Some key questions to consider for your Expectations Talk:
- What are your expectations from me for the first 100 days, 6 months, and 1 year?
- What are 2-3 projects/topics you would like me to focus on as priority?
- How should we handle meetings (weekly 1:1s, project-based check-ins, only as needed)?
- What communication channels do you prefer (Teams or Zoom, email, calls)?
- How do you prefer to be kept in the loop (regular email updates, CC on key emails, verbal updates)?
- How often should we schedule feedback sessions (monthly, quarterly, only during performance reviews)?
- What format do you prefer for feedback (informal discussions, structured sessions with documentation)?
- What are the expectations regarding working hours (fixed schedule, flexible results-based approach)?
- What are the expectations regarding working location (remote, hybrid, in-person for important meetings)?
- How do you prefer issues and risks to be escalated (immediately, during meetings, only if critical)?
- Do you prefer high-level updates or detailed discussions (summary updates, detailed breakdowns)?
- What do you think are the key success metrics for my role?
- Where do you see potential for growth in my role?
By addressing these key questions, you can build trust, ensure alignment, and clarify expectations for a productive working relationship with your manager. Treat the Expectations Talk more as an open, collaborative conversation, rather than a formal interview. It’s an opportunity to express your own goals and discuss the support you need from your manager to achieve them.
Conduct regular reviews
Once you have your Expectations Talk done, conduct regular check-ins with your manager to get feedback and adjust accordingly.
These touchpoints reinforce accountability and show that you are committed to continuous improvement. Scheduling recurring 1:1s also ensures consistent discussions about progress, challenges, and key learnings. This approach makes sure these topics are addressed regularly, rather than only during formal performance reviews.
These meetings should not only focus on task updates but also serve as a platform to discuss career development and growth opportunities. Additionally, adjusting your approach based on feedback builds trust and shows that you are adaptable and proactive, qualities that managers value highly.
Work on projects closely
One of the best ways to understand your manager’s leadership style and priorities is by working alongside them on high-impact projects.
Identifying key initiatives where you can collaborate closely with them can provide you direct insight into their approach to problem-solving, their thinking and execution. Just by observing how they interact in meetings and with other stakeholders can improve your understanding of how to engage with them effectively.
If you’re looking for ways to engage with your manager, you can initiate a conversation by saying:
“I’d love to work closely with you on [specific project] to better understand how you approach strategic decisions and stakeholder management. Would it be possible for me to support you on this initiative and gain deeper exposure to these processes?”
Spending time with your manager to achieve joint wins will help you learn more about who they are as a person while creating an impact for the business.
In summary, your manager’s support can lend credibility, open doors, and rally resources in ways that are difficult to achieve on your own. However, securing that support requires you to take the first step. By setting clear expectations, conducting regular check-ins, and collaborating on key projects, you position yourself as a proactive and reliable team member who understands how to work effectively within the organization.
If you are a people manager, the same principles apply to your team. Just as you adapt to your manager, you should also be flexible in supporting your team’s needs. When your direct reports see you adjusting to leadership styles and working effectively with different personalities, they are more likely to adopt a similar approach in their own interactions.
While adapting to your manager’s style and expectations is important, it’s equally essential to invest in building other relationships at work. Managing up, across, and diagonally within the organization creates a support network that can help you navigate challenges and uncover new opportunities.
However, if adapting to your manager proves to be a constant struggle, take a step back before making any major career decisions. Consider whether the challenges stem from misaligned expectations, communication gaps, or fundamental differences in values. Assess what you can control, what adjustments you’re willing to make, and whether the relationship can be improved through conversations.
If, despite your efforts, alignment remains impossible, it may be time to explore alternative paths, whether that means shifting roles, seeking mentorship at your company or considering a move.
About the author
Adya Kumar is a Germany-based global business executive, a corporate strategist, LinkedIn Top Voice, TEDx Speaker and host of The Digitalization & Diversity” podcast. She writes and speaks about technology, AI, organizational culture, management and leadership.